I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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