I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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