i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
