What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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