happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
