yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
