Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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