i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
