I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
