Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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