and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize