it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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