when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
