there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
