its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize