I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's rum buckets o'clock
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
