I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't turn off my feet"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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