My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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