It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
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New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.