Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
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Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?