I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.