bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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