You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
