Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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