I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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