I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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