My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
