I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
