Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
