I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
