my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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