Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
