I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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