While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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