sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
