Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
