Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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