She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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