My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
