My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
