Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
oh god the rape fog is back!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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