i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
