I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
