I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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