They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
