why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
