he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
