just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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