her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
