No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
