woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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