I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Pants are for mortals
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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