Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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