Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
