I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
