Don't you send me to vm
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
