my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
