Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
