I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
