im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
