even my farts smell like vagina
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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