Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
