Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This baby is an asshole
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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