I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
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I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm really busy with my period
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