when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize