I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
