I wish my penis had an off switch
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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