i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
